Using mediation when separating

Mediation is a process designed to help separating couples resolve issues relating to money or children which they cannot agree between themselves. It does not focus on repairing a relationship but instead on finding a way forward when a relationship breaks down to make divorce or separation less contentious.

Can you use mediation to help you separate?

Using mediation might be appropriate if you and your ex-partner cannot agree on financial issues or matters concerning children. Discussing such matters can often lead to arguments, adding further stress to an already tense and strained situation.

Mediation provides an opportunity to find a solution that will be best for all members of the family in the long run. It also avoids the potential of becoming embroiled in lengthy, drawn-out court battles, which are often expensive and emotionally exhausting.

Do you have to use mediation?

Under the Children and Families Act 2014, it is compulsory for separating couples who cannot resolve matters relating to family finances and children to engage in a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, also known as a MIAM. While you must attend these meetings, you are not obliged to attend the mediation sessions. This may be recommended as a result of current or previous domestic violence concerns or where the children are considered to be at risk.

What happens at the first meeting or MIAM?

The MIAM is the first meeting with the mediator (whether it’s called a MIAM or the first meeting, it will cover the same things). At the MIAM, you will have the opportunity to tell the mediator about your situation and the issues that need to be agreed upon with your ex-partner. Your ex-partner can also attend, but if neither of you wants that and prefer to attend separately, different sessions can be arranged in front of the same mediator.

The mediator will explain to both of you what the potential benefits of mediation are and how mediation works. After the session, the mediator will advise if they consider mediation an appropriate way forward. If you both agree to engage in mediation, a date for the first session can be arranged. If either of you declines to engage in mediation, the mediator can suggest other ways of resolving the outstanding issues.

The mediator must be a trained professional and recommend other agencies that might be able to help with the emotional consequences of separation, such as counselling or providing details of organisations that can help address debt.

How much does mediation cost?

At the MIAM, the mediator will assess if you are eligible for legal aid funding to cover the cost of the meeting and the mediation sessions. If you are not eligible for legal aid, the cost of attending a MIAM is approximately £120 per person.

The cost of mediation will vary depending on where you are based and the types of issues you need to address and solve; however, the average cost of a mediator is around £140 per person per hour.

What if my partner refuses to attend mediation?

If your partner refuses to attend mediation, the mediator can complete a form to confirm that you were willing to attend a MIAM but could not do so because of your partner's unwillingness. If the matter later proceeds to Court, this will qualify as one of the 15 accepted reasons for not attending a MIAM.

What happens at mediation?

You and your ex-partner will be expected to attend mediation together, although you can occupy separate spaces if required. There will usually be three to five sessions in total, depending on the issues you need to sort.

Mediation does not try to establish what went wrong in the relationship or try to persuade you to attempt a reconciliation. Instead, the purpose of mediation is to find a way forward that will be most beneficial to the family.

Will my children be involved in mediation sessions?

If you have children over the age of 10, the mediator will advise on their right to have their views taken into account as far as matters concerning their welfare and wellbeing are concerned.

What happens at the end of the mediation sessions?

At the end of the mediation sessions, the mediator will provide you with a document setting out the proposals you and your ex-partner have agreed upon. You should both seek independent legal advice from separate solicitors who will advise you on the process of turning these proposals into a legally binding agreement.

Contact our Divorce Lawyers, London

For mediation in divorce and children cases, our family lawyers can help advise you and provide guidance on all of the possible options open to you. If it is determined that mediation is not the way forward and you wish to consider other options such as applying to the Court for Orders relating to finances and/or the children, we are on hand to help.