If you and your partner are considering divorce or separation, it is natural to be concerned about how this might affect your children. Deciding matters such as finances, living arrangements and custody can feel overwhelming, not to mention having to tell your children about how their lives will be changing. There are certain steps you can take to support your children, make them feel included, and ensure the divorce or separation process is as stress-free as possible for them.
Make a plan for telling your children about your divorce or separation
You will need to sit down with your children and discuss what is happening, but taking time with your former partner to work out exactly what you will say can make it much more straightforward. You should consider the age of your children and the best way to explain in terms they will understand. Once you have agreed on an explanation, it is important that you stick to it to provide certainty for your children.
Ensure channels of communication to discuss child matters remain open
Children can find it very difficult when their parents separate, but it can be made easier when parents are able to continue to communicate with each other. You will need to organise practical matters, such as living arrangements, but you may also wish to be clear about communicating your children’s feelings to each other. Should your children share any concerns about the divorce while spending time with you, this is something you should be able to raise with your former partner to ensure you remain on the same page.
Make sure that children get to spend time with each of their parents and agree on the arrangements
Children want to know that they will be able to see their parents, and it can help to have a schedule for when each of you will spend time with them. If they are used to living in a home with both parents, they may miss one parent doing certain activities when they are not around. However, with a clear schedule, children can be very adaptable, so try to agree on a timetable and use a system that is clear and visible for all parties.
Take extra care to remind your children that you both love them
It can be difficult to be away from your children, and for your children to be away from their other parent. You should take extra care during this emotional time to remind them that both parents love them. Avoid speaking negatively of your former partner, particularly when they are late to collect children or have to skip an evening they are due to spend time with the children. You are all in this together, and reassurance is essential.
Try to be flexible
While it is important to have a clear timetable, life will occasionally get in the way. Try to remain flexible and acknowledge that you will need to work together to get into a good pattern.
Understand what it means to be co-parents
Although you may no longer be in a relationship, moving forward when you have shared custody of your children means you will need to remain committed to your parenting responsibilities. You may need to discuss how you will handle parenting matters with your former partner, such as school trips, parents nights, dealing with behavioural issues, and many other matters.
If you have an issue to raise with your former partner, don’t do it in front of your children
This is a very emotional time, and even the simplest of issues can escalate and become confrontational. You should try to minimise your children’s exposure to arguments and sensitive discussions by making time to discuss it when they are not around.
Make sure to listen to your children
For children, divorce and separation can make them feel helpless and like they have no control over the situation. You can reduce the emotional anxiety they experience by taking the time to listen to how they feel. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it is ok to feel whatever they are feeling.
Consider how and when you might introduce a new partner
Bringing a new partner into your life can be intimidating as it can be difficult to know how it might affect your children. You may even want to discuss introducing a new partner with your children’s other parent so that they can provide support.
Contact our Divorce and Family Lawyers in Central London Today
The end of a relationship can be a challenging and emotional time for couples, especially when there are children involved. To avoid any problems down the line, you must ensure that all decisions and arrangements concerning your children are handled. At Lewis Nedas Law, we can provide support and guidance during this time. We will tailor our advice to your specific circumstances to ensure the optimal result for you and your family. Call our specialist team today on 020 7387 2032 or complete our online enquiry form.
